I hate your face
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
