We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize