Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize