I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
