THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
