So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
