I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
