you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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