Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
