hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
