Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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