Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
