On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
