is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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