So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
