Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
