This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
