ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
