how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
