Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
