just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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