just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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