M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
