I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
