Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
