I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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