I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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