I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
