The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
