nut hugger
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize