Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
