I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
