Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
