I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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