just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
