I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
