a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she peed on how many people?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
