There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Text me some of your sweat
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