I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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