i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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