I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
