can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just pee around me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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