My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
