I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
