On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
