I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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