hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
