I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
