Betty ford says i'm here all night
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
