So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
