i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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