I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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