I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
