Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
