He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
