everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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