I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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