I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
