I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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