just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want her autograph on my taint
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
