WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
