I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
