Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
