Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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