We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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