I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My vagina is officially offended.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
