Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
