I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
