I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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