I'm drive I can fine osifer
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
