The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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