Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Welp...herpes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
