I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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