Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
