she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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