What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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